Everyone Gets Crabs
Aquantis Centuries ago, massive climate change submerged this moon's continents. Aquantis is now covered by a vast lunar ocean, with a few islands left that were once mountains. The moon's surface is subject to nearly constant rain, and the relatively thick atmosphere is a lightshow of savage storms and lightning bursts. Contents: Autobot Heavy Cruiser Autobot Shuttle Previously... Aquantis: A stormy ocean planet populated by the strange and made up as we go Myr... After being tricked into burying the Myr city of Torrid under radioactive slag and rubble, Autobot rescue efforts have finally kicked into high gear with Jetfire's invention of a language emulator to bridge the gap between Mech and Myr. Meanwhile, Torque smooths out things with The Third, one of the planet's so called God Kings, by sharing a Morp fish with him. Things go mildly smoothly until Chromedome confirms that The Second, the young God King of Torrid, is missing. All of that is going to have to wait, because the Myr healer Gil needs help operating on a giant king crab that also happens to be The Second's personal steed. Things are going to get weird. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcosSmHu1cY On the makeshift rescue center built in the ruins of what was once a Decepticon science facility, the Myr known as Gil has gathered Socket and Autobots to assist in surgery. His frills shake nervously as he addresses them, though as usual, the language emulator does a less than perfect job. "Good risings of the sun to you, metal perverts." Gil addresses them in what he has decided is the traditional Autobot greeting due to having spent several hours with Impactor- he stabs a table with a knife. "Thank you for coming to this place together and agreeing to help me cut Sellc the King Crab open for medical purposes." The giant crab sighs on the operating table, reaching a pincer at socket. Socket tilts an optic at the table stabbing, but says nothing of it for the time being. "As your assistant in this matter, Gil, I must ask how often your people operate on King Crabs, and what the general success rate of these procedures are. I need to know what you know, if you will." She reaches over to place a hand on Sellc's pincer, to see how it reacts, attempting to be comforting. Blades lurks around in the background. He was hoping to sort through some rubble, that's always... mind-numbing, but it seems someone has grabbed Blades and told him to watch and make sure that no one backstabs the medics while they are... doing surgery on a crab? Yeah. So he chills in the background, watch suspiciously. Late? Maybe just a little bit. But either way, it is possible to hear Blaster somewhat long before he actually catches up to the others. Not because of the stomping of his metal feet as he jogruns towards where all the operationisms are going down. No, it's because Eye Of The Tiger is bumping from his chest as he does this and the closer he gets to the Autobots and Myrpeeps, the louder the music gets. He finally comes to a skidding halt when he spots his Autobros and turns down his music (before it deafens everyone in the immediate vicinity), "Hay Hay Hay!" Blaster doesn't seem to be too worried about any sudden attacks or anything! He's just here to help with the morale. And make those Myr people feel the FUNK. He crosses his arms over his chest and bops his head a bit to the beat coming from himself. "Well Socket doctor, my knowledge of king crabs is strictly book based- I have never operated on one. Typically a royal pet does not need such dire medical operations. However, Sellc is a brave and favored companion of my young Second and must be saved!" Gil produces a large barnacle covered book. If you can read Myr, it is called 'Crab Surgery: It Takes A Village.' "This will be very complicated. It is a shame, Socket doctor, that you do not have a large handed friend, a bass producing friend, or a robot pervert that is good at cutting things on hand to assist us." <'Autobot'> Socket says, "Blades, Blaster, Torque, I'm going to need your assistance in this surgery." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "No, you have me confused with 'First Aid'. You need First Aid's help with the surgery." <'Autobot'> Socket says, "Get over here and learn." "I think I might just have a few friends that can assist us," Socket says. <'Autobot'> Blades says, "Look, you can blame me if it dies, that's cool, I'm okay with being crucified by angry natives, but you really don't want me." She gestures over to Blades, Blaster and Torque, before turning back to Gil. "If you can read the instructions to me, I can perform the surgery. I have millions of years of experience in these sort of matters, and very sharp, precise tools." <'Autobot'> Socket says, "This is an incredibly thick shell and I may need your expertise in precision laceration. You are more than capable of that. The only difference between a good surgeon and a good butcher is that one puts things together for life, and the other takes things apart." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "...I could argue that, but fine." Blades begrudgingly comes when Socket gestures for him. He has this pessimistic feeling that he is entirely the wrong Preotectobot for this job, but whatever, if it all goes South, and if the natives get angry, Blades can cover the retreat while the others escape. He looks down at his hands. There's faint pink staining in the joints. He wonders if he should try to wash his hands? Ominous Boombox spins on his heels and moonwalks off in the direction of the rest. There's another spin and he's got himself right where the rest are, looking out over the crab and whatever else may be nearby. "Let's boogie down." Obviously, Blaster has no medical experience whatsoever, but he's more than willing to jump in with all hands on deck and help. That's what he does, after all. He helps. "Wait! We're gonna' need somethin' a better for this..." Blaster's Jukebox: http://youtu.be/7iwe_4ZrIik "Praise The Second!" Gil brightens up as Blades and Blaster approach. "Such a varied species of godless perverts! What a range of abominations you must be able to accomplish!" He shakes everyone's hand and looks genuinely happy and relieved. "Though we lack enormous hands, I feel as though a sun has broken through the storm clouds and warmed our fleshy exteriors." Opening the book, Gil reads for a moment, mentally prepping himself. "The most important thing is that Sellc feel no pain. When a Myr requires cut fixing, he would simply suck the base of a common sea snort. However, crabs like Sellc are immune to such things- yet very sensitive to vibrations. If your slang talking pervert friend can produce at the right frequency..." He claps as Blaster transforms and does his thing, and sure enough, Sellc sighs, looking very relaxed and content. Gil shines a light in his stalk eyes and confirms it! "Your disgusting baby creation tones have sedated him!" So far so good. "Now then Socket Doctor, please have your perverted cut master assist in making an incision at the base of the patient's schpune." He gestures at the schpune in the text book. "You will find a thin blue ridge at the base of the schpune. Use it as a guide. Once the schpune has been breached, it will need to be pulled back and an opening secured." "Blades, are you getting this? Can you see the part of the carapace Gil is referring to? Try to go no deeper than the first layer of shell, despite the language difficulties I believe I understand what he's referring to." Socket asks her fellow rotorcraft. She smiles at Blaster. "Good work on the music. Sonic sedation is certainly not unheard of, but it's been a good while since I've seen it in action." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "Uh. Do we have an... actually... medical-y thing you want me to cut with, or...?" Responding to the radio, Socket hands Blades a plasma scalpel. Blades looks over the textbook dourly, and he pulls out the polishing cloth for his blades. He tries to wipe his hands down and then puts the now-soaking cloth bakc into subspace. He hesitates and looks over the book again, and he replays what was just said in his head. He whispers, sotto vocce, "How can he tell I'm a pervert just from looking at me?" Blades tries to figure out WHAT he is going to be cutting with. One of his amazingly unsanitary blades or actual medical equipment? Then he picks up a plasma scalpel and stares at it. The grip on it is totally different than the implements of mayhem he's used to. Blades tries to remember how First Aid holds them in some foggy Defensor-memory, and he gets to work, making the cut... "Excellent! You have very skilled and perverse hands!" Gil encourages quietly as Blades goes to work. He points over at Blaster. "Please, noise creature, you must hold the flaps open." He wedges himself between Blades and Sellc, getting a look inside. "And now to find the source of the internal bleeding." His jaw drops, and his weird fish eyes go wide. "In the name of the Second..." He looks up at the Autobots. "Sellc is not bleeding internally. Sellc is in labor." "You were kiddin' 'bout this bein' all hands on deck, huh?" Blaster mutters as he reaches forth to make with the flap holding. Which is not exactly the best job in the world, considering that this is kind of, well, gross. But, still, he's doing what he needs to in order to make sure this goes off without a hitch. He keeps the music bumping from himself to ensure that this crab thing stays sedated. Blades just follows the diagram. Carefully. And he feels really, really awkward about it. Blades is supposed to MESS CONS UP, not do... crab surgery. When Gil declares that Sellc is in labour. Blades stops what he's doing entirely, and he asks, "...uh, is this some kind of teenage unwed crab mother thing? ...didn't you say this is a male crab? Are they even SUPPOSED to be in labour?" Gil suddenly glares at Blades. "You are vile and genital obsessed, and smell of a larker whale's sick biowaste!" Something is clearly being lost in translation between the both of them. He shakes his head and sighs, stuck with the help that he has. "Nevertheless, you must deliver the dose of crab young. Sound Pervert, please adjust your modulaters to something appropriate to the extreme pains of labor. Vile and genital obsessed cutting alien, Sellc's derp sack is loose and pulsating. You must make a light incision and pull it apart." He points to a thing in the opening that looks like a giant balloon filled with water and yogurt that breathes like it's beeb smoking for too long. "I got jus' the thing!" Blaster is already bopping his head to the beat of the next song as he works on switching tracks, though he's somewhat focused on the insides of the crab thing that he's looking at. It's not exactly the prettiest sight in the world, but he's got nowhere else to really look. He's grossed out but this has to mean something positive for the Autobots! Lest he wouldn't be here and doing this! Blaster's Jukebox: http://youtu.be/4ABkjMGtXZo Blades, out of annoyance, makes a gesture at Gil that roughly translates as, 'I have imprinted my schematics on your creation factory'. Did Jetfire include gestures in the translator or only vocal speech? Time to find out! Then he pauses, trying to psych himself into this. Light incision on the youghurt nightmare. Light. Right. Blades can do light, right? Just... pretend he's trying to bleed out a Decepticon really slow. Light. He makes the directed cut. Both mechs and Gil are immediately showered in a wave of slime and sea water covere baby crabs. Sellc groans as her derp sack kicks on like a firehose, coating everyone in the line of fire in the foul smelling miracle of life. <'Autobot'> Blades says, "...ugh." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "Repugnus, I wish you were here." Slow motion takes over as Blaster is drenched with the nastiness that can only come from such things as what is happening at this very moment. He barely can stand it, but the music that's bumping from his body is enough to keep him upright and from flailing about in the grossosity of what is happening at this very moment. He shakes his head a bit, flickering his optics in the midst of the jams that are helping this whole thing move along. Blades stands, staring. This is amazingly gross. He kind of wants to vomit. After a long moment, Blades says, "Uh. Congratulations? It's a... school?" Gil wipes the muck on his face, not quiet believing what he's seen. "That...I have never witnessed or read in a bound collection of words of a royal crab birth so simple and straightforward." The derp sack seals itself and Sellc sighs. Several Myr attendents run up and begin collecting the baby crabs. Gil turns to Blades and Blaster. "You pair of perverts of wholly deserving of praise for the miracles that your disgusting hands have wrought!" A Myr walks up to him with two baby crabs and nods, handing them over to him. "The brood of a royal crab is cherished over all other steeds. One of these will someday be chosen as a mount for the God King when Sellc has finally fallen to the Great Pinchers." He thrusts a baby crab into the arms of both Blaster and Blades. "A traditional offering to those who assist in a birth...but for strange perverts from a different star to receive the bloodline of a Royal is a great, great honor." And if they don't get the implications immediately, Gil steps up on his tip toes and adds quietly, out of earshot, "Even The Third will be forced to accept you as Students of the Great School, despite his loudly communicated wishes to remove your sexual organs." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "...are there any Autobots who turn into crabs?" Blades stares at the baby crab that has been thrust into his arms. He's doing a lot of staring. Then, after a long moment, Blades asks, "Uh, okay, how do I look after a baby crab? Explain this to me like I am the moroniest moron ever to moron." As the music fades from the Blaster and he ends up with a baby crab in his hands, he just realizes there's only one thing to do at this moment. He looks down at it and then around to the rest of everyone that's nearby. He lowers himself to one knee and holds the crab out and above his head, his head lowering as his jukebox spins to one more track to help with this particular moment. Blaster's Jukebox: http://youtu.be/F4efZIHtiQQ <'Autobot'> Repugnus says, "Yeessssss?" <'Autobot'> Repugnus says, "Well, not a crab, but something." <'Autobot'> Blades says, "I just got covered in this nasty-smelling crab yoghurt. You'd love it." <'Autobot'> Repugnus says, "Ooh! I could lick it off you, but people might get ideas." <'Autobot'> Repugnus says, "They might think I like *yogurt.*" <'Autobot'> Blades says, "And I think I have to raise a baby crab now. I wonder if I can teach it to sniff out hiding Decepticons? Or drugs. Or something. Bombs? Are bomb-sniffing crabs a thing?" "Sound pervert, I believe that your tonal vibrations assisted in the ease of birth immensely. I must incorporate your selections into standard Myr crab medicine." Gil is feeling pretty good about things right now, having gone from thinking a Royal Crab was going to die from internal injuries to helping it give birth. "Oh, joyous day!" He cries salt water tears of joy as The Lion King blares. "You have both made eye contact with your young friends. You have created a life bond with the young. Please, name your new life-steeds." This is like the best day of his life. "Metal cut master pervert, you have brought life into this world like a true artist. I name you both honorary healers!" And then he screams like an exploding dolphin. The Myr on the island happily join in. <'Autobot'> Repugnus says, "One some planets, maybe." Some Autobots would ponder, 'What is a traditional, appropriate name for a Royal Crab?' Not Blades. "Uhm, how about Slash? ...and, uh, thanks?" Cradling the crab with one arm, he puts his other hand up to cover one of his audios. Oh Matrix, this is painful on so many levels. Blaster is actually happy about this. He doesn't even know why but he is. Maybe it's because he has assisted with something that he has never done. He would cry but that would just be awkward. Instead, he gets back to his feet, still holding his little crab to his chest and looking around as he ponders a name. It is not until he brings the crab up and looks into its eyes does he realize there is only one name that is befitting of such a creature. "I shall call it..." He's not sure if it is more than an it. "M.C." And just in case nobody gets it, he whispers: "My Crab." On the moon of Aquantis, the concept of family exists. But not family in the traditional sense. For today, the Autobots helped prove that a loving bond can be created between robot and baby crab that had recently been farted onto that robot's face. Today the Autobots took a bold step forward in telling a Galaxy unsure of their worth as a species that freedom is the right of all sentient beings- and so is the joy of family. Next time on Transformers: Operation Kill Shockwave..." The Second must be found! Why is The Third so stubborn about understanding that The Autobots were framed for the attack on Torrid? And how long will Blaster, Blades, and Socket smell like that?